


i'd miss our kiss if it ever left my lips

by roguefembot



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Romance, kissing bets, once more other characters are really only briefly appearing, this takes place in our universe but like fictionalized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 07:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguefembot/pseuds/roguefembot
Summary: If it weren’t for Hyejoo and her raging gambling problem, Chaewon never would have realized she was in love with her best friend.(or, Hyejoo proposes a kissing bet and Chaewon gay panics for a couple months)





	i'd miss our kiss if it ever left my lips

**Author's Note:**

> lol apparently i'm back and also going to name every hyewon fic after lyrics from "groceries" by mallrat. you should check it out btw, it's basically their anthem.

Quite frankly, Son Hyejoo has a gambling problem. It’s the only reason Chaewon is in the predicament she is in now, and so while it was endearing at first for her to suggest games of skill or chance with low stakes, Chaewon figures it’s high time she sought help. Because, after all, if it weren’t for Hyejoo and her raging gambling problem, Chaewon never would have realized she was in love with her best friend.

-

It started with a cold, boring evening in Iceland at the beginning of the year. Due to the nature of the country and its rarely appearing sun, entire days were swallowed up by doom and gloom. This meant that the sky would be a dull gray even early in the evening, and on one such evening, Chaewon and Hyejoo laid side-by-side in their shared hotel bed and exhausted every topic of conversation they could think of.

This was no easy task, as one could imagine, because the girls see each other literally every day.

Eventually, Hyejoo suggested an exchange of secrets – her ideas being almost as damaging as her gambling. When it came time for Chaewon’s turn, all she could think of was the anxiety that had surrounded realizing this new year meant she was officially an adult with very little life experience to show for it.

Chaewon bit her lip. “I guess my secret is that I feel… kind of inadequate? To be an adult now.”

Hyejoo turned her head, appraising Chaewon astutely. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“I just mean… well, I haven’t done much. I mean I know being an idol is really cool and we’ve accomplished a lot as a group but… on a personal level… I just don’t have a lot of experience,” Chaewon explained, stumbling over her words as she struggled to articulate herself.

“Well, what are some things you haven’t experienced yet? I’m sure we could cross some off the list,” Hyejoo said.

“First, spending the night in a spa,” Chaewon started, listing her items off on her fingers.

“Easy, though I can’t stay with you.”

“Trying different kinds of alcohol.”

“Also easy, but I also can’t help you there. Maybe Sooyoung-unnie?”

“First kiss.”

Hyejoo was, surprisingly, silent. Chaewon turned to assess her best friend’s facial expression and found her looking contemplative.

“This is the part where you say you can’t help with that either,” Chaewon had said, laughing nervously.

Hyejoo rolled until she was facing Chaewon.

“I have an idea. Kind of like a bet,” she said. Chaewon felt her eyebrows furrow.

“Okay?”

“I bet that you won’t have your first kiss by the end of the year-“

“Hey!”

“-and if that’s the case, I’ll be your first kiss. On New Year’s,” she finished confidently.

Chaewon’s jaw dropped. Hyejoo laughed.

“Deal?” she prompted, something indefinable twinkling in her eyes.

“I- why would you-“ Chaewon started to splutter, her heart stuttering in her chest, but Hyejoo only shrugged and tapped on the comforter.

“I haven’t been kissed either, so, you know… two birds, one stone. Plus, we’re not really supposed to date, so…” she trailed off and lifted her eyebrows as if to say, “Go on, Gowon.”

Chaewon, stupidly, nodded her head. “Deal,” she said, like a complete moron.

It was the worst decision of her life, and it’s all because of Hyejoo’s terrible, no good, horrible gambling problem.

-

The first symptom of Chaewon’s grave mistake occurred a couple of days later, when the girls were flying from Iceland to France. Hyejoo fell asleep on the flight almost immediately and had proceeded to snore in the most obnoxiously adorable fashion possible.

Chaewon, for her part, was still internally panicking about Hyejoo’s proposal. This meant no sleep; this meant way too much contemplation.

In 11 months’ time, Hyejoo’s lips would be on hers. Hyejoo’s lips, which were plump and pink and forming a perfect circle as she snored. When she relaxed her face, Chaewon knew they would reform into a triangle.

And Chaewon would not want to kiss them any less.

Her face burned at the realization: that she was not appalled at the thought of kissing her best friend and, rather inconveniently, would very much like her best friend to kiss her sooner than in 11 months.

Chaewon bobbed her head against her headrest, and then did it again a little harder. Just to punish herself. Just because she had unwittingly agreed to something she didn’t even know she desperately wanted.

Her heart knocked around in her chest like it wanted to eject itself, and Chaewon could not blame it.

-

Once she realized the truth, of course, Chaewon could absolutely not let Hyejoo know at any cost. She could not raise her suspicions in the slightest. It would only have disastrous consequences – at best Hyejoo would decide not to kiss her anymore because it would be too weird, and at worst Hyejoo would decide not to be her friend anymore because it would be _too weird_.

Chaewon was not losing her best friend over this.

So, she hatched a plan.

Well, she meant to hatch a plan. She wasn’t really very good at hatching plans, though. That was usually Hyejoo’s forte.

Instead, she wallowed in her own misery silently and _tried_ to come up with a plan while Hyejoo obliviously laughed at her jokes, sweetly held her hand, and cutely invited her to play video games.

Chaewon’s entire life became a torturous disaster very quickly.

-

One morning, Chaewon awoke to a clammy finger pressing into her windpipe. When she coughed and opened her eyes, she found a startled Hyejoo crouched over her, in her bed, with a glass of pale-yellow liquid in her hand.

“What are you doing?!” Chaewon exclaimed, blood rushing in her ears at Hyejoo’s proximity as much as the shock.

Hyejoo bit her lip. Chaewon did not notice or linger on it at all whatsoever.

“It’s afternoon already and I was getting a little worried,” she explained, looking away shyly. Chaewon was not as endeared as she normally would be, as that didn’t explain why Hyejoo was trying to choke her in her sleep.

Chaewon ran her hand over the skin that still tingled from Hyejoo’s touch. “Why were you poking my throat?”

“I was making sure you weren’t dead, obviously.” Hyejoo rolled her eyes. Of course, Chaewon should have known! Her bad.

“Well, as you can see, I’m very unfortunately alive,” Chaewon grumbled. She blinked slowly a couple times, but Hyejoo didn’t move away, so she fixed her object of reluctant affection with a prompting stare.

Hyejoo seemed to shudder into cognizance suddenly. “Oh, I brought you banana milk too. Made it myself.”

When she smiled, the entire room lit up. It took all Chaewon’s brain functions to accept the proffered glass and return her smile without looking like a smitten dolt.

(She was probably only partially successful, but Hyejoo’s smile lingered, and so did her presence, and Chaewon couldn’t say she actually had much to complain about.)

-

Several months later (and yes, Chaewon suffered for months and honestly deserved some sort of prize), a solution fell into her lap. She was visiting home during a rare break from promoting, practicing, and recording, and her family threw a neighborhood barbecue in celebration. The composition of her neighborhood had changed quite a bit since she last lived at home, and many of the people who attended were unrecognizable to her.

Chaewon was not good with swaths of unfamiliar people. It made her uneasy, her hands clammy, and when she wiped them against her jean shorts, all she could think was that she really wished Hyejoo was there to hold her hand.

A mistake of a thought, as Chaewon was trying really hard to suppress her feelings.

Luckily, before she could panic too hard, a tall boy in a soft blue sweater approached her. Man, really.

“Great barbecue,” he said, smiling easily and warmly. “Your dad grills amazing pork belly.”

Chaewon smiled gratefully back. “It’s all due to my steadfast encouragement,” she joked, and the boy’s grin widened.

“I’m Juyeon, by the way. I saw you all alone and thought maybe we could be party buddies.” He held out his hand for her to shake and she accepted it, and something about the action made her stomach quiver as if she’d already made a decision she wasn’t sure of.

“Chaewon,” she returned, and stood by it all resolutely. If this was what she needed to not think about Hyejoo for even ten minutes, she’d take it.

(She’s incredibly skilled at making bad decisions, if you recall.)

-

She saw a lot more of Juyeon during that break, because he took a shining to her and kept asking her to hang out. It wasn’t the same as being with Hyejoo, not at all, but it was something.

She would almost call herself content, though she could not say if it was simply relief at no longer agonizing for the brief hours she spent with him.

-

The moment the break ended, however, Chaewon’s stupid, big, crooked mouth ruined everything.

The problem, of course, was that as soon as she laid eyes on Hyejoo again, her face burned and her stomach churned and she felt like she’d cheated on the younger girl somehow. Completely nonsensical, and yet the moment Hyejoo released her from a tight, welcoming squeeze, Chaewon found herself blurting out, “I started seeing someone. Over the break.”

(She had almost said someone _else_. She could practically strangle herself.)

“So, who knows, maybe I’ll win the bet after all.” She finished with an awkward chuckle.

(She could definitely strangle herself.)

Hyejoo’s face went blank, like she didn’t want Chaewon to read her reaction.

“We’re not really supposed to date, I thought,” she said. Her voice was as unreadable as her face.

Chaewon swallowed. Something like dread weighed heavy in her chest.

“I know that,” she returned. “But I’m not planning on seeing him outside of breaks when I visit home, so, no one else really has to know, right?”

Hyejoo raised an eyebrow. “Why did you even tell me if you just wanted me to keep it a secret?”

The dread expanded into Chaewon’s throat at the sharp edge in Hyejoo’s words. They had never fought, not once, and yet this felt like a fight. Chaewon didn’t know what she’d do if Hyejoo actually yelled at her. Run away, probably.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I kind of just blurted it out.”

“It’s whatever, I guess,” Hyejoo said, but it was controlled in a way so foreign to Chaewon. She’d never seen Hyejoo quite like this, and she hated the thought that it was because her best friend didn’t approve of her anymore. Hated the thought that she’d done this in an attempt to get over her before their friendship was ruined, and in the process she might’ve gone and done it anyway.

“I, uh, have to go,” Hyejoo continued, “I have plans to get ice cream with Yerim, so.”

And then she turned and walked away, and maybe she took a little piece of Chaewon with her.

-

Hyejoo started spending more time with Yerim, and Sooyoung, and Jungeun, and… everyone except for Chaewon. When Chaewon would ask her to play a video game, she’d already have plans to go to the movies. When Chaewon asked her if she wanted to go get something to eat, suddenly Hyejoo was drowning in coursework.

Hyejoo was avoiding her, and as time went on, Chaewon understood less and less. It was confusing, and hurtful, and it tore at her heart in a way she’d never really felt before.

Hyejoo didn’t want to be around her anymore.

But Juyeon did.

He texted regularly, though she had to delete their conversations every time she turned her phone in to BBC. He liked internet memes and started finding ones of her, and sometimes they pulled a genuine laugh from her.

He was her respite.

-

When it all got to be too much, Chaewon begged and pleaded with BBC to let her visit home another time, sooner than the next planned break. Jaden took in the distraught franticness in her eyes and decided to acquiesce.

Juyeon was overjoyed, of course, and asked her to walk among the cherry blossoms with him the evening she arrived home.

She tried not to think about Hyejoo as he talked, tried to engage with him the same way she’d done before. Her smiles were rote, though, her words just a tad robotic. Juyeon didn’t know her the way she knew Hyejoo and, as a consequence, didn’t pick up on how peculiar she was being. This was only a small favor.

Or so she thought.

Towards the end of the date, as he led her to a standstill between two great big cherry trees, Juyeon started leaning down. Closing his eyes. Tilting his jaw forward.

Chaewon froze. In the two seconds she had before his lips could pucker and press to hers, she palmed his shoulders and held him back. It was the first intelligent decision she’d made since this whole debacle began.

Because while Juyeon was handsome, and kind, and charming, and in another life maybe Chaewon could have loved him, in this one she was in love with Son Hyejoo.

And her first kiss should be with someone she loves.

-

Which brings us to now, this moment, as Chaewon barges through BBC’s dorm in search of her kind-of-ex-best-friend. Jiwoo calls out to her, ready to welcome her home, but she marches past and several of the other girls’ eyes linger in confusion.

She finds Hyejoo in their room, angrily pounding the buttons on her Switch controller.

At the sight of her, all the confidence Chaewon had built up on the way here vacates her body.

“Hi,” she starts, wishing that her stupid brain would return and let her blurt out everything she wanted to say.

“Hey,” Hyejoo returns. She doesn’t look away from the screen, doesn’t stop punishing her controller like it’s personally offended her.

“I came back early.” Chaewon’s voice is light and hopeful and she hates it.

“I noticed.”

Chaewon tries not to deflate and takes a seat next to the most important person to her, whether said person likes that fact or not.

Taking a deep breath, she continues, “I broke up with Juyeon. The guy I was seeing.”

Hyejoo peeks at her from the corner of her eye. Her voice is still flat when she asks, “That why you went home?”

“Not exactly, but while I was there I kind of realized something.” Hyejoo’s button-smashing has calmed quite a bit by now, and Chaewon feels hope take root in her chest.

When Hyejoo speaks again, her voice is no longer flat. There’s a touch of genuine curiosity, maybe even some concern. “What did you realize?”

This is her moment. Chaewon forces her voice to be resolute when she says, “I didn’t want him to be my first kiss.”

She holds her breath afterwards, waiting to see if Hyejoo will understand. There is no great dawning of realization on the younger girl’s face, but suddenly she is pausing her game and turning towards Chaewon. She worries her lip, and Chaewon allows herself to linger.

“Are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t ask you that first,” she says. For the first time in _months_ , her face is not a carefully concealed mask. Chaewon almost bursts into happy tears at the realization.

“I’m fine,” she replies, and it’s the truth. Then, because she can’t help herself: “I’m really sorry.”

But it comes out as a chorus, because Hyejoo says it at the exact same time. They both break into relieved smiles.

“I-I want the bet to be on.” Chaewon is inching, now, trying to work her way towards admitting her feelings. Regardless of whether Hyejoo returns them, she realizes now that she deserves to know. And Chaewon deserves to get it off of her chest.

“Me too,” Hyejoo says softly. There is something in her eyes, something in the flush of her cheeks and the way she can’t quite meet Chaewon’s gaze that makes Chaewon have _another_ epiphany (and, yes, she’s getting quite exhausted from this sudden wisdom she’s acquired).

“Were you jealous?” she blurts. Hyejoo’s eyes widen, and then she’s scoffing and pushing Chaewon’s shoulder.

“Why would I be? I’m the best,” she says, but it’s a _lie_ and Chaewon is so delighted suddenly that a giggle spills from her mouth, unbidden. Hyejoo rolls her eyes. “Shut up.”

Chaewon forces herself to sober, but there is an uncontrollable upward tilt to her mouth now. “Hyejoo-yah?” she asks, and waits for the other girl to raise her eyebrows at her. She keeps her voice light, almost teasing. “Would you want to, maybe, practice before New Year’s?”

Hyejoo smirks at her. “Chae, come here.”

It is the second time in two days that someone is leaning towards her, but this time, she leans in, too. Hyejoo kisses her like she’s been thinking about it for as long as Chaewon has, maybe longer, with a focused intent and a hand sliding into her hair to hold her as close as possible.

When they break apart, Chaewon catches her breath and then dives right back in.

(And, okay, maybe Hyejoo’s gambling problem isn’t such a bad thing after all. It’s kind of cute, even.)

**Author's Note:**

> hope y'all enjoyed!!!!!!! three quick things:
> 
> 1) the juyeon in this fic is not TECHNICALLY juyeon from tbz because he is not also an idol here but if you imagined juyeon in the role that is a-okay because juyeon is a CUTIE  
> 2) not to be tswizzle but there's actually a hint for my next fic idea in the last section  
> 3) if you enjoyed, please kudos and comment! it makes me happy and brings me motivation to write more :D


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